i weep when your title is called.

i never understood you. weak woman of child. comforter. betrayer.

you chose to stay. you chose to abide. you chose to adorn the robes.

i remember you dressed up as a black cat in a kindergarten play.

i remember your soup.

you were a victim of the times.

9 thoughts on “mother

  1. 💔 I’m so sorry my friend. Your words ring true because you could be describing my Mom too. I still long for the mother that mine could never be.
    You know my heart.

  2. This is such a sad day, Mother’s Day, and I relate. At least I heard from my daughter and son and grandson, but the memories of my mother leave me cold, sad, and bitter. People say, in honor of your mother, put a photo of her on your page on facebook. FUCK NO!!

    1. Totally agree. We need to talk more about the emotional complexities of the day and also build each other up as women in terms of How we mother ourselves, our friends, our community

  3. Yes!
    All day I felt this urge to text my mother and the rush of fear and disgust and anger every time this urge surfaced till finally, instead of doing something because it’s expected, I listened and didn’t send the text.
    I’m sorry you know this feeling to, and it’s okay when you write down and feel those feelings!
    Maybe we can honor Mother’s Day not just with appreciation and love but with also acknowledging that there is such a thing as ‘a bad mother’ because it seems society is not yet ready for this stigma.

    Being a mother myself, I do not expect my kids to make something or show appreciation just because they feel obligated to do this. They each chose there own own way to show there affection and it was perfect. And I was able to honor both feelings, the way I missed out on a loving and safe mother and the way I can be (or try to be)’ just that for my own children. Even though it’s sad and it hurts.

    1. Totally agree. I went to a church service that morning and appreciated that the pastor focused a lot on reframing Mother’s Day. She suggested we could celebrate women who build community. I cried a lot during that service because I felt heard. I feel better when people to acknowledge the complexities. It was probably the first day I had ever cried for the loss, the anger, the disbelief. Thank you for writing about your experience too

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