My birthday was last week. I’m not a fan of the event, it’s a ritual day you know, so I tend not to celebrate on the day. I quite like to make an internal fuss with my partner- will happily accept presents, expect a card and a cake and order some nice takeaway. So certainly not complaining! As for the day, I’m happy just to keep my head down and focus on work or other duties that I must do. As some readers know, I cut off contact with my parents close to seven years ago now. Maybe more. I can’t remember. Although I made a clear request for no contact, my mother would continually call my ex husband. It was and remains a sticking point and despite the fact we are no longer together, she has maintained a relationship with him. It’s weird and requires a separate blog post to unpack. So surprise, surprise he gave her my new address and since last year I am now receiving birthday cards and/ or gifts. So tonight I found a birthday card in the letterbox for last week’s big event. It was addressed to my dog c/o me. It also had my married name (no longer) listed on the envelope. That irked me. Not only does my mother not know my dog, she doesn’t know anything about me. I don’t carry his last name, I went back to my surname, which I chose as I got it legally changed. Now she probably does know that but hates the fact I have a different surname to her, so she refuses to call me by my proper surname. Plus I am in a gay relationship that she likely knows about but refuses to acknowledge. Again, because I don’t have a relationship with mother so she shouldn’t be engaging with me in a way of familiarity. Plus writing to my dog? Dear S, she says, I hope you looked after your mother for her birthday during lockdown … on and on she went. How creative and clever! (Joke). I am tempted to start correspondence under the pseudonym of my dog. It might be a way to get her to actually have a real conversation with me. It would go something like this:
Dear Leni’s birth mother,
This is S. Your daughters fur daughter. Thank you for the card. It felt nice to receive a card with a dog on it, although I don’t know you, so it was strange also. I did look after my mother, along with my other mother S who you haven’t met. I also have a sister who is small and grumbles a lot. She occasionally stops me from getting on the bed, which hurts my feelings.
Sometimes your daughter, my human mother, wakes in the night from bad dreams. Do you know why she does this? What do you think these nightmares are about? Also, sometimes my human mother dissociates and goes away and doesn’t recognise me. I feel sad when that happens because I love her so much. I read that when someone dissociates like that it’s because they were hurt real bad when they were little. Do you remember what happened to my human mum? I’d love for you to share so I can help her. There’s lots of other things I could tell you but I think that’s enough for now. I’m looking for an honest, willing and authentic furry pen pal only. I guess I just want to know more about my human mum. If you think you can do that then write back, but if not, it’s okay as we are very happy with our life here.
Woof for now.