Facing reality

After the third warning came, I ended things with S. Today is the third day of “friend zone” or best friend zone, though much is under threat. Husband doesn’t like her and want her over at the house anymore as he thinks I change when I am around her. He doesn’t like the energy and is scared by what’s going on. Fair enough, he should be. Host is far gone when she is around as many of us are activated. We like being out and talking and chatting and being silly with her. He doesn’t exist when she is around, he is like a brute and we feel uncomfortable. We understand that he is husband in theory but this has no application for us. We would prefer to live in the city, in an apartment with her and to always be together. We cannot live our dream as we are caught in two worlds and it is very hard to be shut out again. 

Signed the dreamers. 

Penny for my thoughts.

That’s my name, Penny. I got it from that stupid saying. I am 22. I have recently decided to get a room in the house with the little ones, but like my space. I am not a baby sitter by any means. I like to be by myself. I enjoy solitude, not too much noise. The less company the better. At the moment there is a lot of noise going on. A lot of disruption inside. Much has been activated, and no doubt will continue to do so – i think we have another 12 – 18 months of this. I usually appear in rough times. I can weather a storm – yes, I am full of cliches remember. I like to watch, observe and look. I have lived in the head for a long time, since before I can recall. I am a watcher. Yes that is my job. I just realised. I watch for danger, for signs, for things that could go wrong and then I call for help. Activate the movers. They usually come in and take over then. Things can get shut down pretty quickly if necessary. At the moment there is a lot of danger imminent. There have been two warning signs not listened to and so it is important to be on the lookout for the third, because it could be the final one before it is too late.

Alter Prison Guard Released.

Hello my name is Driava. I have just been released from my job as a Prison Guard. I am 29 years of age and have been guarding the doors of a very large prison full of disowned parts, supposedly bad children and other wretched things. When Jesus and I opened up the prison gates, we found a lot of sick children. Also there were many dead people. Jesus brought in an army of angels, with hospital beds and tonight they are cleaning up the mess. I even saw someone hanging from the ceiling and a small child huddled over in the corner. I feel bad that I just stood out the front, smoking cigarettes, staring up at the sky. It was mainly black though and I never saw much. I just did my job. They paid me for it to begin, but I spent the money. I haven’t been paid for a long time, but I suppose I have had nothing to buy. I feel depressed that I didn’t do anything. Jesus spoke to me about forgiveness and that I could forgive myself, like He has forgiven me. I asked Patricia how long I should spend in feelings of guilt. She told me that as soon as I recognised the feeling, I should let it go. So I visualised the guilt as a square object and Jesus took it away. Some of it still lingers though, or is it sadness? Yeah, its sadness. My job now is to write, though I am struggling with self belief. I want to tell my story but I have been in the dark for so long. I used to think of stories late at night. I have not slept for 29 years. That is a long time to be awake, thinking of things. I never had a pen or paper or computer, so I was not able to write anything down. Tonight will be the first night that I sleep and I am looking forward to it. I no longer have to wear a uniform too. When I was a guard, the children used to scream out for me to help them. Their screams would pierce the air and I would shut my ears tight to muffle out the sounds. I thought they would never break me.