There are massive changes on the horizon, which can be very difficult for my system to handle. I told my husband I had feelings for S and it seems like things might be at the end for us. I have watched myself disappear from the marriage for the last 10 months, into the arms of a woman. I have wrestled with confusion, shame and guilt and prayed for relief. I feel terrible admitting that I love her, knowing that I have hurt him so bad. My little ones hate it when I do things wrong, it just affirms how bad they feel in general. I am deeply saddened by what I have done. I know marriages break down all the time, but this just felt like it came out of nowhere – prior to meeting S, I felt happy and connected, at least I thought I did. There is much more to write, but tonight I just feel depressed and guilty.