This morning I woke to a message on Facebook from my sister:
“Our dad is an evil man. I’m not going to the funeral given Shirley’s text.”
Whose Shirley? You might be wondering. Shirley is the executor of my mother’s will. She sent a text last night at 10pm:
“Hello All Firstly sorry for your loss. Wanted to let you know I am Executor of J’s will. The process will be awaiting death certificate, applying for probate, changing house title through Landgate to Exec to allow it to be sold. All this is quite a long tortured process I’m afraid and will take at least 6 months, At the end of it all assets will be distributed as per will and I will provide an account to all of you of income/expenses. The terms of the will are a distribution of 45 per cent each to brother 1 and brother 2, and 5 percent each to daughter 1 and daughter 2. Kind regards Shirley”
I redacted names for privacy. But in case you missed it, my brothers are to receive 45 percent each and me and my sister have been thrown peanuts. This is our father’s way of saying, “you selfish bitches. You reject me and I will reject you harder. You want some of my estate? Here you go. Here’s a measly amount – which is all you’re worth. You can go and battle it out in the courts if you want more”.
And at his funeral, how the priest spoke about my father’s undying love for God. His desperate need to hear the word and seek God right until his last breath. So hypocritical and cruel.
I am going to contest the will. It irks me that my brothers are being rewarded for staying silent and being compliant. So it’s going to be an interesting few months or longer as we battle this out.
I moved into a high trauma state by early morning, very dissociative and couldn’t stop shaking. But it felt good my body was doing that as I have so often just shut down in the past. I still participated in work meetings and life and a friend came over and we hung out and had dinner and watched “secret life of pets”. My parts and I love watching that movie with our dogs. 🐶
I am a 42 year old woman and survivor of satanic ritual abuse. I have dissociative identity disorder and experience complex PTSD symptoms. Despite this, I am relatively high functioning and tend to be very active and engaged in life. I started remembering my abuse at around the age of 25. Prior to that I had no solid memory of my childhood and things just felt blank. I was programmed to keep very busy in order to forget my abuse and so I was always on the go and doing things.
I was lucky to find an interest in the creative arts and filmmaking, so my pursuits have mostly been very stimulating and enjoyable, though hard work. Almost everything I did kept me away from myself and I would say that I was extremely disconnected from the way that I felt in general. I always felt something was wrong, but couldn't put my finger on it. When I discovered I had been sexually abused as a child, it was like my whole world changed and everything that I had felt or experienced prior to this was a lie. Everything, yet nothing, made sense. I wanted to pursue recovery and wholeness immediately, but the more I tried to do this, the more walls I kept hitting. Programming was inbuilt in me to 'not remember' and I thought I would die if I did. The paradox was, that I longed to die, and suffered suicidal ideation on an almost daily basis for over ten years. I had used drugs and alcohol from the age of 13 to self soothe and medicate and the turning point for me was when I hit a rock bottom with drinking at the age of 31.
I went into AA and that really kickstarted my journey of recovery. I learnt how to deal with life without picking up a drink or a drug and most importantly, I was led to my real saviour, Jesus Christ. Almost a year into being sober, I started hearing voices. I had heard these voices for a long time but had stifled them with alcohol and drugs. The voices were extremely loud and negative and told me to kill myself. I sought psychotherapy and prayer ministry and it was through these experiences that I discovered I had dissociative parts of self (multiple personalities). Since accepting this, I have definitely started to get better, although it has been a long journey. I am in my tenth year of sobriety and on a very personal, determined journey to find myself within my fragmented identity.
This is a blog about Dissociation, Satanic Ritual Abuse, God and other stuff.
I live in Melbourne, Australia. Please stick around and share your thoughts too.
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2 thoughts on “The will is announced”
That is so unfair! I am so sorry you have a fight on your hands now, but good for you standing your ground, you deserve more than 5 percent! I’m glad you were able to watch a movie with a friend, hang out and have dinner with them. X
Thanks. Look honestly I thought was going to be left out of the will but the 5 per cent is a very considered decision from my father and he is “communicating” what he thinks. Ah well. We will see where this leads us.
My life as a dissociative 
That is so unfair! I am so sorry you have a fight on your hands now, but good for you standing your ground, you deserve more than 5 percent! I’m glad you were able to watch a movie with a friend, hang out and have dinner with them. X
Thanks. Look honestly I thought was going to be left out of the will but the 5 per cent is a very considered decision from my father and he is “communicating” what he thinks. Ah well. We will see where this leads us.