At therapy last night we discussed doing more body memory work again. T mentioned me “owning” the room and asked if I was comfortable to do that. She means feeling like I can get up and walk around or saying what I want and need at any point. I don’t think I am at that point yet. I like it when she tells me what to do I guess. But she explained it in a way that made me think it could be a good metaphoric shift. I.e. me learning how to take control in the therapy room could translate to that happening more outside the session, in daily life.
I ended up lying down on the mattress floor bed and T checked in with my parts. A part came out who likes to cause chaos and confusion, which results in feelings of guilt and shame. The chaos and confusion is about not remembering. T also wondered whether things felt chaotic and confusing because they didn’t make sense as a child. She’s probably right.
I can’t recall what happened next – T spoke to a part who felt ugly and deeply ashamed.
Later, I facilitated a local group for D.I.D people and that was good. But when I got home my eye got all itchy again and puffed up with an allergy. I missed group this morning because I woke and it was still very swollen and I didn’t feel great. I worked from home and went to the doctor to get a blood test to then book in with an allergy specialist. It could be psychosomatic or it could be an allergy. I would rather go medical route to begin and see if anything reveals itself. I can see why people find the day after therapy so hard. I used to never identify with that but I notice it’s a hard slog to get out of bed and to face the day. But I did it.