Yuck Good Friday. Got through day well and now triggered. The disgust, shame and fear crawling over me. It is memory of disgust, shame and fear dear parts. They put this on you. It is not you. I can feel it now. Thank you for sharing. I hate feeling it. I hold my breathe. I wish I was dead.

I’ve been listening to this D.I.D podcast and it is annoying me. Not once has she mentioned abuse – as though the dissociation pops up out of nowhere. It’s not a show piece. Its carefully crafted, designed and manipulated. I feel very small, but angry and just need to hold my toys and sleep. I will do better tomorrow and work hard to ground myself. I feel like I’ve let everyone inside down with not being able to help. I will try to help them tonight in my head.

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