Trauma wheels

It dawned on me tonight that a pattern of my intimate relationships is to pit my partner against another. This is learned behaviour. It comes from having to decide who should be abused, who shouldn’t be, who should live, who should die. It is a double bind. No matter what I choose someone gets hurt. I hope for a happy ending, but in reality all I am doing is replaying the trauma of a deranged childhood. No wonder I have so often felt like a rat on a wheel. It’s time to get off.

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