Re-define

I have this theory that how you celebrate New Years is what sets you up for the year ahead. About 15 years ago I was in the Blue Mountains with my then girlfriend and we went to bed early, before midnight and I woke at 1159pm and the power had gone out. So I was in darkness and I knocked over a glass on my way to the bathroom and when I crawled back into bed I felt this looming sense of fear hit me. This impending sense of doom and that fear played itself out all year. Mostly to do with memories of abuse. For some reason I’ve kind of held loosely onto this theory for how New Year’s Eve can effect the year ahead. It’s superstitious but seems to resonate with me. Tonight we went to the foreshore near us. They’ve cancelled fireworks this year and mandated masks indoors again from 5pm (well it’s hit midnight now, but you know what I mean). We went with a couple of friends and it was relaxed and fun and we played games and ate fish and chips. S and I got home before midnight and just watched the fireworks. So it was a night of being amongst small crowds of people, laughing, talking, but staying safe and relaxed and to ourselves. Now I am in bed and I feel uneasy and anxious but a bit better for writing it out. My inner theme for 2021 is re-define. I might explain that more in another post. For now I need to try and get some sleep. Happy new year y’all.