Last night I dreamt of my parents dealing in lots of cash and woke remembering page 444 of the bible. So I looked it up and there was half of psalm 136, all of 137 and 138. I felt the verses were about trusting God, that He loves me and He is protecting me. I expected to read something foreboding so I felt blessed to read these words of encouragement.
Today it is stinking hot here in Melbourne. I went rollerblading with S and it felt fun and free. I talked about dissociation with a friend and realised that like depression, dissociation has been a good friend to me. It has kept me safe. But I don’t know if I want it anymore. There’s so much to do in this world, so much to fix and be part of. I’ve never felt like this before. Maybe the strength to live is now within me. I have embodied it and there is no turning back?