Head hurts tonight. Went to market fair this afternoon and the energy in the room made me switch. My parts could sense witches in the room. Usual thing with new age, arts and crafts events. Plus it was inside a town hall and very small and noisy and lots of people looking at each other. Staring. There’s always witches at these things. They can say their the good ones but unfortunately it all points to darkness. Makes me shiver and feel gross. Subsequently I was pretty dissociative this afternoon and then came down with a headache. My little ones told S and I’m finding that when they share whats going on for them, my system seems to settle down somewhat.
My birthday was yesterday. Surprisingly it went okay. S and I did fun stuff- we went go kart racing and played laser tag in the afternoon and my parts loved it. This is a bit embarrassing to write but I ended up taking laxatives that day as I had been feeling really knotted up. So although I had a good day, it was also filled with running to the bathroom!!! It was kinda weird, as though I was subconsciously trying to cause myself to be sick or in pain or disconnected from myself. I’m just glad my birthday is over. Next year I turn 40, but I think I will just lay low. I had my big dissociative break down last week as S thought it would be nice to celebrate a week early as my parts get triggered on the day, but I think my parts just ended up getting confused and thought my birthday was last week. So yesterday felt a bit anti climatic. I think I need to be in control of my birthday from now on. Who knows, it changes every year…. I’m just glad when it is over.