Last week, the host of this blog discovered me – Grace. I am 36 and gay. Female. Of course it is a problem as the host is Christian and married lol! I used to be out for a while, when I was with a woman for six years. I wasn’t out all the time, others would come up who liked men and well, who responded to pretty much anyone liking them. Yeah, desperate, no boundaries, I know.
I went away for a few years, because that six year relationship and break up kinda screwed me over and I just needed to retreat for a while. I am only back because I have been woken up by female student where I work, can you believe. I know it sounds terrible and I wouldn’t do anything (we could lose our job), but she is so alluring and beautiful and I feel a chemical reaction pulling me toward her. I became quite obsessive last week, fantasising about her. Host is freaking out because feels like she is having an affair and I contradict her Christian beliefs. She won’t let me engage in sexual fantasies about the girl because to her this is like having an affair with her husband (who by the way, I can’t stand and he reminds me of the Father – i feel sick just writing this).
It is a complicated situation. We spoke to T about it and she said that I was out because I needed something. Yeah, I can tell you what that is but it is not appropriate, besides that I need company – stimulation, art, good conversation, writing, a couple of glasses of wine (can’t do that because of the alcoholic thing dammit). I would like to write a play – not sure what about. Being stuck in one freaking body might be a good start. Majorly challenging and wouldn’t recommend it.
Anyway, that is why I am writing today because apparently it is ‘good therapy’ for me. We’ll see. Host runs around like a mad woman most of the time, so busy, might be difficult for me to get the time but I guess I have to push for it.
We have started boxing too and are going to fight soon. Not everyone is into it, but most people think it is pretty cool and happy to work hard for the chance to get in a ring. I just want to go to work with a black eye <grin>.
Thanks for listening.